she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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