so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
