i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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