My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
