just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
