This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
