Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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