Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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