Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
