Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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