My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
