I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
