somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
