I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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