hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
