Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
