I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
