I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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