I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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