I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
