so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't notice because vodka
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
