do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
