my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
