i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
