So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
