Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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