So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
