1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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