He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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