I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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