I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
