apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
