How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
