I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
