so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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