i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
