Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
