I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
