Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd cum for enchiladas.
pray to the hookup gods
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
