I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Buhtt sex?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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