You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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