just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize