How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
