Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
