uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
