we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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