My brain says no but my pants say off.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
