if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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