just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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