Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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