So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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