I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
