just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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