If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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