oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize