Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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