barbara walters just said penis...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
