I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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