he puts the penis in happiness.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
