He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
