I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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