my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
