I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
