I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
