Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
